Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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