u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
