we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
