You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
