Are we in a gay sports bar?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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