Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
