just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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