my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
