"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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