I am puke
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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