just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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