you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just had sex on a roof
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
