I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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