Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
