She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If I die, sorry about rent.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
