I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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