But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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