They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
