Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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