so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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