trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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