I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
