I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
