Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
