And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
