I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
