Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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