found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You're like the curious george of whores
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
