I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
ugly people sure do ruin things
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
