My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Randomize
