I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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