It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
