Moan for me like Helen Keller
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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