Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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