so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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