what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
did i just pee glitter
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
