Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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