Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
