it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
