I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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