The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
