so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
