Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
