wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
