I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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