what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just had sex on a roof
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
