I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
porn star boner night. come get it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
