Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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