just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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