: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
